About Me

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Author of this blog, a muslimah, an executive, a daughter, a sister, a leader, the coffee-addict, a book-worm, a traveller, always a listener and story-teller but never attention-seeker!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Gaji tak masuk lagi...

Waaaa...nak nangis dah ni..gaji tak masuk lagi, today dah 28th. Bank pun dah keep on calling, bila nak transfer fund masuk account yang dah due. Car loan, credit card debt, maintenance, utility bills...eii,pening..:-(( Takleh breakfast McD..makan biskut kering je...huhu..

Monday, April 27, 2009

Hadiah comel

Ini lah hadiah comel dari adik ku yang baru balik dari Cameron Highlands. Letak kat meja opis..boleh buat ubat penenang waktu stress. Hadiah kaktus ni ubat nak pujuk kite la sebab tak dapat join dia bercuti-cuti kat sana dengan tunang tersayang..:-)) Takpe lah..janji ko bahagia je dik na..

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Jalan-jalan petang sabtu


Tak ada idea nak buat apa di petang sabtu, ended up me and sis spend time sama-sama. Gi jalan-jalan, tengok-tengok barang kat Mydin and pekena cendol pulut kat Penang Road..alah gerai cendol next to Chowrasta tu. Sesekali terasa macam tourist lak we all adik beradik ni..hehe..saja buang tebiat kata dik na.


Sedap makan cendol..dik na kempunan macam orang mengandung pulak.



Apa-apa pun uncle jual chinese chestnut ni memang sporting. Mesti dah terbiasa customer snap gambar dia:-) Beli sikit untuk ma..favourite dia buah berangan ni.

Letih jalan-jalan dalam town. Tapi itu lah perempuan..bab window-shopping memang tak letih. Berjam-jam gak temankan dik na shopping kat Prangin Mall pastu. Nak beli baju semata-mata nak outing ke Cameron Highlands esok nya. Suka je adik aku sorang ni..lantak ko lah..janji bahagia!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Tears

Big tears fall down like puddles
When something cuts it bleeds
Big storms leave towns in rubbles
Shore just recedes

Take some time to secure
A stream of water to occur
But crying is a way to know
Your tears are how you learn and grow
So better off to let it flow
Stains on cheeks will come to know

Heartaches and hopes for healing
Through the raining of your tears
You'll learn the pain you're feeling

(From "Tears" lyrics)


The reality:

I woke up late midnight after that call and found myself in tears again.:-( I could not sleep, so opened up my laptop and jot something down here.(with akulah kekasihmu currently played on the air) It’s my personal thingy again. I don’t blame him for this. I’m very sensitive nowadays. This is what happens when I want something very bad, I blame myself for this.

Reviewing history:

How could this be? I’ve never been in this position, feels like I’m no longer the same person I used to be in my school days. I don’t mind competing with others, love winning and dare to take any challenge. Losing is something I take as part of life experience, it never make me give-up and stop me from doing thing to heal it back again. Even if I cry, it never hurts me as this much! When others yelled at me, I yelled back at them. Who cares if I get scolded, like I cares???

Reality check:

My eyes are swelling..again.. I have even promised myself not to cry anymore. But promises are always meant to be broken..isnt it?

The conclusion:

I don’t have any decision with me, it’s not me who should do the decision, nothing happens lately, it would be as usual and I would enjoy my life as it is. This is my life, this is me, I do have him deep in my heart and will always will.

Wishlist:

This time, I think it would take a lifetime to heal the hurts. I pray, that no matter what, I will still be an ordinary hawa, without any hatred and feelings for revenge to all adam out there. I pray, one day my love would find a way and I pray, I will not ruin myself because of this..Insyaallah. Aminnn..

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

leave personal matters behind..

Still unable to finish my reading. I'm distracted by surrounding. Di pejabat, suddenly saja banyak ad-hoc job menanti. I don't mind being busy..able to make me forget and leave anything personal behind. Tomorrow would be another busy day. I have some issues to be tackle and probably going to venture a new task..:-) excited jugak..hopefully, I'm able to wake up early..lately liat nak bangun tido, luckily takde time recorder kat office tu..'everyday oso late lorr...'

Friday, April 17, 2009

Sekuntum mawar merah


Pening tak abis lagi. Kusut bertambah. Yesterday 'bear' ajak lunch. Selalu sangat tolak offer dia..tak baik jugak. All this while, kite diam je ngan dia..dia sms kite diam. kite tau dia terasa hati gak tu. Tapi nak buat macammana, dia tak tahu masalah kite. Kite tak nak dia terbeban dengan problem kite pulak. See..hari ni dia bagi kite sekuntum mawar merah....kite happy sangat. Dah lama tak dapat bunga ros. Orang kite harap-harapkan tak pernah layan kite camtu. Kite pun terasa jugak. Apa nak buat..dah lumrah dunia. My mom pernah kata kat kite dulu.."apa di harap padi seberang...entah menjadi entah tidak". Untuk kite fikir-fikirkan......serabut dah...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Beri ku kekuatan..

Kalau lah hidup ni tak sebegini complicated, alangkah bahagianya. Aku tak suka memeningkan kepala thinking about somebody yang tak ada rasa percaya pada aku. But walaupun aku tak suka, aku tetap akan fikirkan orang tu.

Aku salah ke? aku gi KL last 2 weeks tak inform dia. Went out with my guy friend masa kat sana and tak bagitau dia jugak. Kenapa aku tak bagitau dia? Sebab masa tu dia tengah merajuk dengan aku. Masa tu jugak aku dah memang totally geram & frustrated dengan dia, aku nak komitmen, aku nak tau di mana kedudukan aku, in other words, aku nak steady relationship, engaged, get married & have a baby with him. Sedangkan dia?

Even in that case, I still apologize. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe dia rasa aku membelakangkan dia. Maybe tindakan aku yang menyebabkan dia rasa curious & suspect yang bukan-bukan. Hakikatnya, aku nak merajuk, aku nak tunjuk perangai. Pun macam tu, aku masih ingat batas diri. I will never do 'things' yang dia curious and suspect over me. Kalau that day aku bagitau dia aku nak pegi sana, how his response would be agaknya?? "sorry, i agak busy. Tak dapat nak spend time dengan u" OR the worse "buat apa u datang sini, i dah bagitau u jangan datang sini tanpa tujuan" OR "i dah bagitau u, dont sms even kalau u nak datang sini, dat person will know" OR "up to u lah, u nak buat apa, pegi mana atau dengan sapa". Pening aku!

He never cares, I'm alone here and I need him so much. Kalau aku nak berskandal sekalipun, no need to go that far, even if i want. The problem is, all I want is him..bukan orang lain.

Tuhan..beri aku kekuatan.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Finding faults

Today is one of those days, that I've began to find other people's faults. It's bad..really bad and I'm still able to think this way and notice it. Maybe it just because my job's nature that requires me to be such person. By checking all companies legal documentation, it's the beginning of this process. Susah jugak actually. Plus today, with my admin function, I need to issue just another memo to staff after I've found out just another disputes. Hmm, it's a tough job. People hate me for this! Hopefully, there's nothing personal behind. I really wanted, I really wish, it's only about work and my responsibility at office. Nothing more, nothing less.

Among the cases of 'finding faults'..i'd take it as a joke, ok!

One of letters from our customer, stating the reason why the payment made need to be stopped. He means 'STOLEN'..actually. I just laugh at this!


While on my way home, just right at MPSP junction, Bandar Perda. The traffic light should now change to 'hanging light'. (i just bored waiting for the lights to go greeeeeennnnn! so snap this pic!)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Jalan-jalan cari makan lagi

Sunday memang hari yang paling membosankan. Normally, aku akan cari macam-macam idea nak mengisi kebosanan sepanjang hari kat umah. For others, might be different, ada bf boleh ajak jalan-jalan, window-shopping, makan-makan..tengok wayang, buat wayang..hikhik. In my case, lain giler. Boyfriend dan skandal semuanya long distance belaka..hikhik. Dah jenuh punya fikir teringat cerita my colleague, Mr. Vicky. Ada satu restoran best kat Kulim..tak jauh dari BM, around 30mins drive yang penuh kesantunan macam aku la..Restoran Abang E Capati. Usung my mom and my lil bro sekali. Tak susah pun nak cari restoran ni, boleh nampak dari main road bm-kulim, just before stesen minyak mobil ke esso tah..aku pun tak berapa nak ingat.

From my observation, ramai jugak customer yang opt for 'roti arab' and 'nasi ayam'. Agaknya house specialty kot.

My favourite for today, teh panas..

I opt for 'Roti Jala'. Memang my all time favourite, tambahan lagi bila dengar cerita Vicky yang kuah ayam ni memang 'kaw' and it is!

Mak pekena capati..2 biji sekali tu!

Sedap makanan kat sini..kena dengan selera walaupun restoran ni nampak biasa saja dari luaran nya. 3 orang makan, siap tapau kuah ayam seketul, total bills: RM 14.20. Worth it..memang best. Of course, there will be another next time here.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Masih laku di pasaran

I received a call just now, a job offer from a very establish property development company in Penang which is also can be considered GLC. The application was made online early last year, I got call for interview and never attend of the same until today i received just another offer as 'Sales' personnel with the company. Sadly, I dun want to be in sales line anymore, just getting bored. So, I turned them down again. I discover that, rupa-rupanya aku ni masih laku di pasaran. All this while, I thought a chance for me to get new job, new air would never come. Dah melambak apply new job, not in Penang la. I'm thinking of shifting to new place, KL maybe. But the opportunities, never come (yet..).

While I'm browsing my oxford dictionary tadi, I found this piece. Dah bertahun simpan putik or kelopak strawberry..amende tah aku nak panggil menatang ni.Tapi memang dah bertahun, ada kenangan ni :-) hmm..tak mau ingat ah! mencik pulak rasanya.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

back to norm

Semua lelah, stress, bosan, tension, angau atau yang seangkatan dengan nya dah pulih seperti sediakala. I'm cured. Memadai dengan spending my weekend with my best pal in KL. Saturday in Mid-Valley and on sunday at the new Jusco in Setiawangsa. Thanx pal! U light up my days!!

Yesterday, i'm back to work, more refresh and energize to tidy up my messy tray! And today, full-spirited during our weekly meeting. Additional paperwork and datelines coming up, but not a harm to me.. akan siap dalam minggu ni dengan sebaik-baik performance..hehe. Would be a busy week to go since this thursday, our directors are here for consultant meeting. Kena ensure all things in order before any queries and mumbling-grumbling thing comes out from their mouth..

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

what am i thinking..



Have been thinking and thinking since the last few days..end-up I dont actually know what am i thinking. No appetite to eat..unable to sleep well at nite, macam orang 'angau'. But i'm not.. i guess?#$%
Luckily I've managed to finished my month end report on time today. My mind could be far-far away in KL..how am i going to tell boss, i need another leave by this weekend...????

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